He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
