i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
