yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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