Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
zippers are such a cool invention
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
