I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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