jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
