it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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