My balls are so social today.
In America we eat man semen.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
