sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
