So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
