Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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