finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You left your phone here
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