Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
