so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
