I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The best revenge is premature balding
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Randomize
