life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
