Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
