Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
