VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
