i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
