T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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