the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
