i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
