she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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