Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
