a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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