Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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