its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
