So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
