worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
God, I missed his penis.
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