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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
