If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
