Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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