I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
