my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
