I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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