There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can I color on your dick again?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize