What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
