first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
