The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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