i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
