2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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