Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I understand Curling. That high.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
