I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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