You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
