i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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