just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
