which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
