I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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