Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
