Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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