The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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