it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dick very happy bro
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
