omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
