so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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