Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
