Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you will always have a special place in my vag
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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