My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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