guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
