smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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