Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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