hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
