Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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