The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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