Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
