Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
