I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
