Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
