your thong is hanging out like whoa
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
