$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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