I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
