Small penises have feelings too.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize