There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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