wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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