I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
