AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
